Nine Ways to Deal with Weight Loss Sabotage From a Loved One

“It’s just one piece of cake!”

“You’re not drinking? That’s no fun!”

“Do you have to go to the gym today? Wouldn’t you rather stay in?”

If you’re working on lifestyle changes, odds are you’re familiar with phrases like this, known as weight loss sabotage. While most people don’t intend to be hurtful when they say them, the effect is the same: it makes your weight loss journey harder. This is weight loss or habit sabotage: when a person in your life creates barriers to reaching your goals. It might look like pushing food or drinks you don’t want, doubting your success, or getting in the way of your attempts to exercise.

Sometimes, saboteurs are friends.

Most of the time, they mean well and want you to have fun. Unfortunately, that fun is often synonymous with lots of drinking and greasy food. Saying no to those options can feel like you're denying the friendship itself.

Sometimes, they’re coworkers.

They’ll bring in a tray of fudge and tell you that you HAVE to try a piece. You don’t even like fudge, but you eat it anyway because you worry it'd be rude if you say no.

Some saboteurs are partners.

This can be the most challenging weight loss sabotage to deal with: they’re in your house, so there’s no escape. They might dictate what foods come into the house, whether you spend money on a gym membership, or if you’re able to take the time to work on self-care.

Unfortunately, weight loss sabotage can also be very intentional.

For whatever reason, someone close to you has decided your victories would be a loss for them. I’ve had a client whose partner didn’t want them to lose weight because their partner was afraid they’d leave the relationship as a result. Instead of working on that insecurity, they intentionally brought junk food into the house. Navigating this level of weight loss sabotage may warrant seeking outside help. Health coaching can fill that gap, but I recommend therapy if the behaviors are more severe. Professional help is particularly helpful if you’re not comfortable confronting the saboteur.

Fortunately, most sabotage is unintentional or well-meaning.

The saboteur wants you to be happy! They offer you foods you or they enjoy as a way of showing love. Or, they want you to spend more time with them instead of going to the gym. Perhaps they’re not aware of your intentions for positive change. 

Regardless of the intent, weight loss sabotage is hard to manage. While I recommend outside help for intentional sabotage, below are some strategies for dealing with unintentional or well-meaning saboteurs.

1. Talk it out

Sometimes the saboteur isn’t even aware of your health goals. Talk them out with them. Clients will say the person won’t understand, but this might be a projection: you’re expecting the worst. Consider the opposite: would you offer them support if they asked? Of course you would! Give them a chance to do the same for you.

Be open about your health goals with the people in your life. Sometimes, they’re simply not aware of what you’d like to accomplish. Often, they’re happy to help once they know what you’re up to!

2. Offer alternatives

How else can the people in your life show they care about you? What can they do instead? If you have a partner who loves to buy you chocolate for celebrations, suggest a different gift idea. If your coworker once brought a healthy snack to the office that you enjoyed, ask them to make it again. If your family members insist on having tempting foods in the house, ask that they keep them out of sight.

3. Order first when eating out

You won’t be swayed by the choices of those around you if you go first. You can even look at the menu ahead of time to further lessen the possibility of influence. Be sure to make a choice that you enjoy, though! A balanced approach to weight loss means including some less-than-nutritious options here and there.

4. Practice saying no

If saying no is hard when your great Aunt Sally offers you her famous banana cream pie, start smaller. Say no more often to something easy. You may find that this practice helps you say no in harder situations.

5. Take a step back

If the pressure of social situations is a bit too much right now, it’s okay to sit them out. But please practice this only if you wouldn’t be missing out! Improving your habits isn’t a good reason to avoid social situations you’d otherwise enjoy. Go, and let yourself have a good time, free of guilt.

6. Serve yourself

Avoid putting someone else in charge of building your plate at a get-together. You can be in charge of what goes on your plate instead of being served an extra helping you didn’t ask for. You can always go back for more if you’d like.

Building your own plate at gatherings cuts down on servings of food you don’t want.

7. Opt for social events that aren’t food-centric

This serves double-duty if you have loved ones who will take part in activities that move you closer to the lifestyle you want. Try a healthy cooking class, walks in a park, or a movie night with healthy snacks.

8. Seek out a support group

There are lots of weight loss/healthy lifestyle groups out there that can help support you if the people in your life offer more barriers than guidance. Some meet in person, via video calls, or all online through chat groups. Go with whatever level of support feels best for you!

Teaming up with folks who have the same goals as you can fill the gaps of missing support from your loved ones.

9. Get help from a professional

As a health coach, sometimes the help you need with weight loss sabotage goes beyond my scope and is better handled by a therapist. I'd be overstepping my bounds where forms of abuse are at play. If you’re navigating abuse, you deserve support from a licensed professional.

If the sabotage you’re dealing with is less severe, health coaching can help you find specific strategies to cope. Health coaches can serve as support when it’s lacking in your social and family life.