Struggling to achieve goals? Ask yourself these two simple questions.

Setting and achieving goals is HARD. It’s February, and you might find your new year’s resolution slipping through your fingers. In fact, Forbes reported that in 2020, over half of resolutioners threw in the towel after less than a year. If your goal is teetering on the edge, I have a proposition for you:

What if you re-work that personal goal and make it stick this time?

You can do that by aligning your goals with your values. By values, I mean a belief that is deeply important to you. It makes up part of who you are. It’s something that you hold yourself to, and it doesn’t change easily. So, your goal also needs to be deeply important to you. This will give you the motivation you need to achieve it.

However, setting goals that match your values can be trickier than it sounds. I’ve figured out a cheater way to do it, and I’m happy to share it with you. I’ll also show you a way to make your goal more achievable.

Before we get started, grab something to write with - a notepad, your phone, etc. Whatever works!

Hold on - did you grab something to write with? I can wait!

Step 1: Identify your Values

Now, ask yourself these questions:

1. What do I want?

2. Why?

That’s it.

But ask them again. And again. And again, if you need to. We’re looking for your deep value: your core reason for wanting to change.

1. I want to exercise.

2. I want to exercise because I want to be stronger.
   
   

Now, being strong is a value, but we’re only halfway there. This value is a surface-level value. A surface-level value is what you might tell a stranger if they ask why you’re doing something. But, it’s not the true value behind your goal. You may hit a couple more surface-level values before getting to your deep value. Let’s keep going - why do you want to be stronger?

1. I want to be stronger because it’s hard for me to do household tasks.

2. I want to be strong enough to do household tasks because independence is important to me.
   

And, now we’ve arrived: in asking these questions, we’ve come to your deep value. For this practice, the deep value is independence. I want to exercise because it will maintain my independence.

The connection between your goal and your deep value isn’t always obvious. It’s why these questions are important.

Here are some more examples of goals that might align with your values:

1. I want to get more sleep.

2. I want to get more sleep because I focus better when I’m rested.

3. I want to focus better because I want to work faster.

4. Working faster means I have more time to spend with my family.

Goal: sleeping better
Value: spending time with my family

1. I want to eat better.

2. I want to eat better because I feel better.

3. I want to feel better because I want to have the energy for my hobbies.

4. I want to have energy for my hobbies because I enjoy being creative.

Goal: eating better
Value: being creative 

Dig deep and figure out why you want to be successful with this goal. What would change for you if you succeeded?

Step 2: Make a Mantra, set your Goal Value

Let’s go back to the phrase I want to exercise because it will maintain my independence. This statement combining your goal and your deep value can become a mantra. A mantra can be repeated to help you maintain your motivation. It’s the core reason for your change, and it holds a lot of power. It’s your motivation to keep going. It’s your motivation for changing in the first place. Keep it close to you. No, really. Write it on a sticky note and put it on your mirror if you need to. You can also say it every time you find yourself moving away from your goal.

Step 3: Match your goal to your other values

Plot twist: it’s possible to set goals that align with one value, but conflict with another.

Let me give you an example of a goal that works with one value and not another. Let’s go back to the exercise goal that focuses on independence:

You set up a goal to do bodyweight exercises in the evening when you’d normally watch TV with your children. This moves you towards being stronger, one of your surface-level values. But, it conflicts with another value you hold: spending time with your family.

Oops. 

Not only does this goal conflict with your deep value, but watching TV with your family also aligns with some surface-level values: relaxation time and enjoying TV-based entertainment.

You can avoid setting goals that clash with other values by asking yourself:

1. What am I giving up to complete this goal?

2. Is it worth it?

3. Why?
   

Let’s go through some examples again:

1. I’m giving up my morning social media time to exercise.

2. Yes. 

3. Exercise is closer to my values than checking my social media first thing in the morning.

Check to make sure the goal you’re setting won’t clash with other values you hold. Otherwise, it’ll be hard to motivate yourself to follow through.

The Moral of the Story

The overall theme here is to get curious and ask yourself questions. Figure out the why behind what you want to do. This will motivate you to change, and to change for good.

The practices in this blog post can lead to some fun self-discovery. Look at your Goal-Value list, and see if you’re surprised about what value is underneath your goal. What did you learn about yourself? I’d love to know about it in the comments. And, please keep me posted on how that goal is going!

Additionally, these practices can be a lot to go through on your own. If you’d like a hand, please feel free to set up a free first coaching call and I’ll do it with you.